Long Weekend

This weekend was a difficult one. I felt like no matter what I was doing, it wasn't enough. Every time I looked in the mirror I hated what I saw and nothing was good enough. I suffer from PCOS, a condition that can literally make a female into everything she doesn't want to be. Want long thick hair? Nope, your hair will fall out in large clumps and cause more plumbing issues than you can imagine. Want a thin or skinnier frame? Nope, PCOS is gonna make it a bitch to loose weight no matter what you do. And don't get me started on hair growth. Yep, it might take it from your head, but it's gonna put it back on your legs, face and arms.

PCOS was kicking my ass this weekend, and I let it beat me.

Nothing I tried on seemed to fit and I felt like a cow in everything I tried on. I had a wedding on Saturday night and felt like staying home because I felt as big as a house. I craved the worst foods imaginable all weekend. Burgers, fried chicken, pizza. As if any of that would help me fit into any of the clothes better. And I've been stressed. I have a lot of challenges being presented to me at work and home and I am meeting them but it's taking a toll. Normally, I would stress eat, then freak out because I couldn't stand what I'd just done to myself.

But this weekend, I didn't do that. It was uncomfortable, but I had to deal with it. I didn't fall back on eating pizza or ice cream. I didn't stay home because I felt like crap. I went out, forced myself to let it go and have a good time despite it. And it worked. I have no clue how, but I made it through it. Maybe it was the little encouragements here and there from my husband who told me I was beautiful in that green dress or my coworker who said I was on the right track after I felt totally overwhelmed. Maybe I've just grown up and realized that I can't treat myself like crap anymore. Or maybe, I just got lucky and rode the wave through the storm.

I'll take it anyway it happens.