31 years

Today was my 31st birthday. I spent much of today with the thought in the back of my head that I can't believe I've made it this far. Not that I think 31 is old or really even advanced, though you wouldn't know it by how often I whine to people that I am an old lady. Its that I can't believe that I've made it this many years through all the crap I've put myself through. Until now, I never really took care of myself. I never ate right. I don't remember ever being forced to eat the right kinds of things, so I just grew up picking when or if I would eat the right things at all. And exercise? That was for people who couldn't find the tv remote, right? And lets not even start to delve into all of the sorts of ways I mentally beat myself up with self doubt and self hatred,  not to mention the bouts with anxiety and depression.

I'm not that person anymore. I refuse to be that person again. I've never been the one in my group of friends associated with optimism, quite the opposite actually. But I'm glad I can finally find the bright sides to the day. The silver linings.  I'm not really sure how the switch got flipped in my head. Maybe it was just a right place, right time kind of thing. Maybe I just got fed up with feeling sick and tired in more ways than one all the time. I wish I could pinpoint it and bottle it for others cause I'd make a ton of money off that, but I honestly can't say I know how I arrived at that point. I can only say that I'm glad I finally got here, even if it took 31 years.