Help!

I am in need of some help. I feel like I have made tons of strides in my diet. My PCOS is connected to insulin resistance, so I've gone gluten free. That means I've introduced a ton more veggies and fruits into my diet because I don't want to substitute bad things for things that might be even worse for me as far as fat content goes. I've started drinking apple cider vinegar before each main meal as I've read that helps with insulin resistance as well. I'm taking a daily vitamin and a supplement that helps the reproductive system and Saw Palmetto for hair loss. I am adding chia seeds to nearly everything I eat and in some cases, what I drink so I can get that fiber I'm missing out on and some omega-3s while I'm at it. What I am lacking is a good exercise plan. Something I can do everyday. I can't justify stretching the budget for a gym membership when I know I won't go to the gym alone. The park is awesome, when I can make it there in the daylight. I like to sleep and I'm an awful, wretch of a person if I am woken up too early. My schedule is never constant. Go in at 8 am one day, go in at 11 the next. You just never know.  I need your ideas and help. What do you do to fit in exercise around family and work and obligations? What kinds of exercise do you do? Help me friends, you are my only hope!

Long Weekend

This weekend was a difficult one. I felt like no matter what I was doing, it wasn't enough. Every time I looked in the mirror I hated what I saw and nothing was good enough. I suffer from PCOS, a condition that can literally make a female into everything she doesn't want to be. Want long thick hair? Nope, your hair will fall out in large clumps and cause more plumbing issues than you can imagine. Want a thin or skinnier frame? Nope, PCOS is gonna make it a bitch to loose weight no matter what you do. And don't get me started on hair growth. Yep, it might take it from your head, but it's gonna put it back on your legs, face and arms.

PCOS was kicking my ass this weekend, and I let it beat me.

Nothing I tried on seemed to fit and I felt like a cow in everything I tried on. I had a wedding on Saturday night and felt like staying home because I felt as big as a house. I craved the worst foods imaginable all weekend. Burgers, fried chicken, pizza. As if any of that would help me fit into any of the clothes better. And I've been stressed. I have a lot of challenges being presented to me at work and home and I am meeting them but it's taking a toll. Normally, I would stress eat, then freak out because I couldn't stand what I'd just done to myself.

But this weekend, I didn't do that. It was uncomfortable, but I had to deal with it. I didn't fall back on eating pizza or ice cream. I didn't stay home because I felt like crap. I went out, forced myself to let it go and have a good time despite it. And it worked. I have no clue how, but I made it through it. Maybe it was the little encouragements here and there from my husband who told me I was beautiful in that green dress or my coworker who said I was on the right track after I felt totally overwhelmed. Maybe I've just grown up and realized that I can't treat myself like crap anymore. Or maybe, I just got lucky and rode the wave through the storm.

I'll take it anyway it happens.

Work hard...play hardly?

A month or so ago I helped a friend out with a project for a program is she working on. I had to describe to her on paper my eating habits and we had a discussion on the different things going on in my life and how the two related. The overall lesson was how what you eat feeds your moods and decisions in life. While she was asking me questions about what was going on in my life that was good, I began to describe how happy I was with work and how I could see my future with the company finally coming to shape. I went on for a good 5-10 minutes about work and thought I was completely giving the most awesome answer I could and how no one could top how great my life was going.

The she said "What about play? You aren't talking much about how you play."

I was taken aback. Here I thought my life was going well and then I was smacked with an obvious omission from my life. I don't play much and the rest of our session was about how to balance that out. It's something that's been in the back of my mind since. Yes, I have time off and I do things that I enjoy. I go shopping with my mom on the Fridays I get off and I take the dog to the park with my hubs on the Sundays I  don't work, but I never just PLAY. Like run around the park barefoot after a picnic or take off for a day trip with no agenda in mind. I used to do these kinds of things. And it bums me out that we don't do them anymore. We used to just call up friends and day drink at the local brewery or take off in the car just to see if we could really make it all the way to Lexington without a map or using the interstate. Now a good play day is making time between dishes and sleep to watch tv or throw the dog her ball.

I've decided that if I am going to really live well I need more play. I love my job and I love where it's taking me, but what's the point of all of these healthy choices if I'm not going to use them. I don't want to be the old lady that didn't take advantage of not having kids and sat around watching HGTV the whole time. I want to be the awesome old lady who still listens to punk music and wears Chucks cause she can. That kind of old lady would have taken advantage of every opportunity to play she had. 

So who wants to come and play with me? 

31 years

Today was my 31st birthday. I spent much of today with the thought in the back of my head that I can't believe I've made it this far. Not that I think 31 is old or really even advanced, though you wouldn't know it by how often I whine to people that I am an old lady. Its that I can't believe that I've made it this many years through all the crap I've put myself through. Until now, I never really took care of myself. I never ate right. I don't remember ever being forced to eat the right kinds of things, so I just grew up picking when or if I would eat the right things at all. And exercise? That was for people who couldn't find the tv remote, right? And lets not even start to delve into all of the sorts of ways I mentally beat myself up with self doubt and self hatred,  not to mention the bouts with anxiety and depression.

I'm not that person anymore. I refuse to be that person again. I've never been the one in my group of friends associated with optimism, quite the opposite actually. But I'm glad I can finally find the bright sides to the day. The silver linings.  I'm not really sure how the switch got flipped in my head. Maybe it was just a right place, right time kind of thing. Maybe I just got fed up with feeling sick and tired in more ways than one all the time. I wish I could pinpoint it and bottle it for others cause I'd make a ton of money off that, but I honestly can't say I know how I arrived at that point. I can only say that I'm glad I finally got here, even if it took 31 years.

The beginning.

So about 3 weeks ago I woke up and decided to change my life. It sounds dramatic, but it's true. I'm nothing if not a little over dramatic. I decided that I was going to go gluten free and within 4 days I was using the shopping lists I have found from Kroger and Whole Foods to create a shopping list of things I was absolutely certain would be fantastic for me and would revolutionize my life. I was going into the battle against the rumbly guts armed and ready. I had been warned by people with Celiac's and gluten sensitivity that it was hard at first and a shock to the pocket book. I was making sure I was ready and nothing was going to stop me. I had a notebook with what each store carried and everything I was adamant would change my body and life overnight.

Then I walked into the grocery store.

The fruits and veggies were the easy part. Gluten free bread was easy. Meat was easy. It was once I got into the aisles that my head started to feel light and my palms started to sweat. Rice can have gluten in it? Tea can have gluten? WTF is this world coming to when I can't even drink a cup of tea without being glutenized?

It took me 2 and half hours to come home with three bags of groceries. It was tough. It was everything I tried so hard to prevent it from being. I felt deflated and wondered if it would be worth it. I lived on Larabars and peanut butter and gf turkey breast on toasted Udi's during the day and meat and veggies at night for the first week.

I felt amazing!!

I had no more rumbly guts. I had no more headaches. After 2 weeks I realized that my sinuses weren't bothering me as much. I was sleeping straight through the night! It was a new me. Then it hit me. If I felt this amazing from just taking one thing out of my diet, how much better could I feel if I started to change other things?

Which is why I'm writing this. By trial and error I am leading myself, and my reluctant husband toward a healthier lifestyle. Sometimes it's hilarious, sometimes it's exhausting. And it's all worth documenting.